Who knew an entire discussion around loneliness and well-being can expectantly surface in a coffee shop. However, it did. I was alone inhaling stacks of books while savoring a giant peppermint tea when I noticed an old friend of mine strolling her baby. I waved and caught both of their attention and big smiles. I asked if she would like to join me.
Pleasantries were exchanged, quick surface topics discussed and then the dive into deeper things. I asked how she was doing. “Great! I truly love being a mother.” Having watched her interact with the baby I could tell she really did love being a mom- and a great one at that. As her adorable bundle wiggled, I curiously asked, “What’s been the biggest surprise to you since becoming a mother?”
Big crocodile tears streamed down her cheek. “It’s the loneliness. There are days I feel so disconnected from other humans that I must force myself to get outside. Leaving the house means getting both of us dressed. Oh! I bet you weren’t thinking you’d hear that! I’m sorry it was probably too much.”
I wasn’t surprised. At all. In fact, I thought she was brave.
Loneliness seems to be a growing trend in our world today. In a recent article by Dr. Sanjay Gupta I read that loneliness is an invisible epidemic that affects 60 million Americans.
As a Health Coach and friend I’m not okay that. Are you? I’m for exposing what happens around loneliness, the effects it plays on our well-being and what we can do to prevent it in our lives.
Understanding Loneliness
It can be a temporal feeling. I’ll share a time I experienced loneliness. It’s when I first moved to a country where I didn’t speak the language. I felt isolated.
What I’ve learned, is in time we can find our way and become connected- and yet, there are times, we may face immense loneliness. It may flash as a feeling of being surrounded by thousands of people (in my case, in the middle of Tokyo) while the pangs of loneliness strike until an actual connection happens with another human, one we feel cares and understands us.
Loneliness can be circumstantial. We can experience it when we lose someone dear to us; or perhaps transitioning during a radical change of losing a job. Even though we can be in a room full of happy, engaging people, we’re grieving or missing that connection with whom we’ve shared many positive past experiences. That very feeling of closeness is now a barrier we may be feeling in the current loneliness.
Loneliness can be physical or spiritual. We can be experiencing stress or depression. It may have been brought on by lack of sleep, or a poor diet, poor health or a combination of factors. Whatever the cause of loneliness, we also tend to feel sad.
There are many causes and varying degrees of loneliness. Sadly, it’s not a socially popular theme we discuss. Dr. Richard Schwartz describes it as a “shame” we feel about our loneliness — the sense we have of being a “loser.” As a result, something that could very well be situational loneliness then becomes chronic; and all because it’s a taboo subject.
Preventing Loneliness by Promoting Well-being
I find it important to state that feeling lonely and suffering from loneliness are not one in the same. In fact, feeling lonely from time to time can be healthy. Think about the philosophy of “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” However, it’s loneliness is where we want to draw the line.
In March of 2015, Brigham Young University research addressed that the health risk associated with loneliness or social isolation is “comparable to well-established risk factors” such as obesity, substance abuse, injury and violence, and environmental quality. The study suggests that the mounting evidence add social isolation and loneliness to lists of public health concerns.
As a health coach, friend, and one who overcame a season of loneliness, I’m offering three concise recommendations that can help you or a loved one leave loneliness behind and increase well-being.While there’s not a catch-all remedy for addressing loneliness, I firmly believe interaction with kind people is a healthy place to start.
People
We all need true connectivity to other humans. We need to feel known and understood. It’s what creates closeness.
Alone time is not loneliness. In fact, alone time is good. For introverts, alone time is great! Often, solitude is the air an introvert breathes. For introverts, extroverts, and those in between, loneliness is downright miserable.
Loneliness expert, Kira Asatrayan shares that, “fulfilling interaction, and satisfying, long-term relationships are not a mystery to be left up to chance or technology.” I propose we become intentional with our communication style and our relationships.
Even if you don’t have an issue with loneliness, it’s wise to practice prevention. We can all benefit by investigating what activities we’d most enjoy together with our favorite humans. Discovering what works, I’m sure it will help develop a stronger connection.
Pets
As an animal lover it may seem biased that I bring up pets. I assure you that there is a plenty of research confirming the positive link between “pets and loneliness”.
If you or someone you know struggles with loneliness a pooch rescue from the pound can become a tremendous benefit. I cannot think of a better way to make my point than Eric and Peety the dog’s story.
Eric shares how his Nutritionist advised him to adopt a shelter dog because it would force him to go outside and to become more socially interactive. Within a year the duo formed an inseparable bond while Eric lost over 140 pounds, Peety lost 22 pounds. Eric’s health improved so much that he longer needed any of his medicines and he reversed Type 2 Diabetes.
Eric claims the experience with Peety transformed his life. Stories like this remind us that animals provide companionship and total acceptance. I love how Eric explains that Peety “brought me out of my shell and made me a better person.” Friends, this is why we all need to have a pet– especially when overcoming loneliness.
In case you’d like to watch the inspirational story, here it is.
Proactively engage with purpose
Engaging with others who hold a common purpose with you can be a real game changer. Finding an intimate or large group where authentic connections may happen can alter our feelings of loneliness into a place of belonging.
Understand that I’m not against technology and yet I’m encouraging face-to-face engagement whenever possible. Perhaps an interest group is found through the Internet or on website like www.meetup.com that matches nearby people with particular passions or interests. The point is to proactively engage with others in purpose to grow, contribute or find enjoyment from being a part of something that is worthwhile.
It can be connecting with an outdoor activity club, a local study at a church or synagogue, taking on some cooking classes, whatever it is, there’s something out there for everyone. Sometimes we simply need to take action and create space for developing rich relationships based on common interests.
Chime in!
Any thoughts around loneliness and well-being? If something in the article resonated with you, share it. I’d love hearing from you.
